the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
