It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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