What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
