Christians are straight up FREAKS
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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