Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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