haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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