You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize