Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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