I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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