I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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