Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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