girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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