I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
