come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
