No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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