Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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