ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
