Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
