I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
