I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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