Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
