About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
