So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
