tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
