I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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