i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
