you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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