It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She bit a glass in half.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
