you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I think i got beer on your cat.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
