God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
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the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
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I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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