Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
this just has baby written all over it
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
oh god was she eating orange peels again
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
