I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize