I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
