Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
