Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
