Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
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Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
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Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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