Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
