none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
