Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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