You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
