My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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