Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
