Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
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I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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