Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
