I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
