So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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