Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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