Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
