i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
