Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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