We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
