im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
