So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
