Im at strip club and am horny
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
