i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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