There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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