my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
