Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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