What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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