I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
