The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
