So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
