break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
