So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
