My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
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I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
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Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
How does one acquire holy water?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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