I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
