the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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