I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I want to make a zoo with you.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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