apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
