you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
