Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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