I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
bring money and cleavage
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
