Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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