You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
